00:24 14072009
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jean_Baudrillard
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Simulacra_and_Simulation
It has been a while since anyone mentioned the title of this book that set me thinking about life and its meaning way back in 2003/4. It has been such a distant past that I have difficulty recollecting the actual time stamp on thoughts that were in my mind and things that went around in my life.
While I do understand that access to this blog is only among people who knows me and probably knew me. The 1 most important person that would be reading this blog and this entry perhaps would be my wife. I do hope that as you read this entry, you will dismiss it as one of those things that I think too much about. Because this is one of the way for me to get these thoughts out of my system in the hope that it will cure my insomnia.
I had a drinks session with my uni friend Sabina just last Friday and naturally we talked a little about uni life and the subjects that we took. There was this module on Communication Technology. While it was basically set on the premise of how the advance of technology had changed the facet of communication among people, we were simply mind fucked by the material that he introduced in class. *pardon the language as I could not come up with a better word to describe a process where the mind is overloaded with information that significantly thwarts the way the person question his views of the world and yet does not offer peace to his ever inquisitive mind.
First and foremost, this is not meant to be any lecture on life, or its meaning to anyone. I am sure all of us are matured enough to have our own views of what life should be and what it should entails. Neither am I going to writing a lit review of what this book says as I am firstly not an academic and neither am I into critique.
What I would really want to share/record in this entry would be the effect that the module had on me. How it has changed my life, my views of life and in other words, changed me. And hopefully in the process of doing so, I will be tired and fall asleep. =) There lies my primary objective.
I would say that the Matrix was a very good movie that helped understand the some of the concepts that the book put forth. The choice of taking the blue/red pill, the choice of looking at all the things that gives meaning to our life and subsequently realizing that these meaning that we attach to it are none other than a figment of our imagination. Something that we taught, through the mass medium, through our education, through our religious values, through our cultural heritage, through our family upbringing. All the world that we knew of and understand of is nothing but meaning that attached to each events happening and emotion are nothing but feelings that we conjured up within us in the context of the "world" that we know.
In the world that we live in, there lies only 1 truth. Which is death shall not evade from any of us. So knowing that we will all one day die, does it mean that we should all die now? Then what is the meaning of life? Is there such a thing as life, or is it something that we conjured up to make ourselves feel important. Man are such egoist that they believe they own this planet, seek to destroy it and eventually, to protect it. Mother Earth, the planet itself WILL seek ways to repair the damage that mankind had created. In the immortality issue, the life of mankind as a species, is definitely young as compared to the real age of Mother Earth. However, all these are knowledge that mankind has seek, created and believed in so as to feel that they are important.
As we all know that nobody escapes death, thus man is always thinking of leaving behind a legacy after his death so as to immortalize his name. We all remember different people's name for different reasons.
tbc 00:47 14072009
22:33 20072009
So... who will remember the names that we last saw in the obituary.... Who does, except the family members that he/she had left behind... For how long then do we remember them? A year? 2 years? or the rest of our lives? At a young tender age, I attended the wake of my great-grandfather, whom I had little memories of. Subsequently, I worked at 13 with my uncles at the construction site and I was particularly close to them compared to my dad. 4 years later, my eldest uncle went on.
It was hard to describe how it feels. He forms a part of my memories and attitude to life. And he is no longer around anymore. i dun miss him badly, just felt that a part of the family portrait is missing. 3 years later, it was my paternal grandfather. I cried.... only when I saw how his prodigal son, my father, had to offer the final joss sticks in hand cuff. A repeat of the same scene 3 years earlier. When does people learn from their mistake? Again, a part of the family portraits is gone.
6 years later, it was my other uncle, this time, I was more matured to handle death. No tears, but pity. Deep inside, I was happy, he has finished his journey, although short, but it has ended. There are people who will remember him, although he has not left anyone behind. *no kids.
And sad to say... 2 years later. Which was last year. It was the death of my maternal grandpa. He was a person whom I loved dearly... He told tales to me when I was young, I peddled talking parrots with him at Chinatown when I was little. I played mahjong with him, bought him his favorite food. He woke me up to go to school, made breakfast for me and my sister. Made lots of food for us during weekends.... I loved him... He was sick and unwell for a full month before he went on.... The last words that he always said to us whenever we visited was.... "100 plus".... the last words that I always said to him were, we are leaving....
A faithful saturday, 05072008, was having a birthday lunch with my wife and 2 of her friends. @ japanese restaraunt @ Suntec. While we settled in our seats and grabed the plates, my sis called, grandpa has left. I was confused. Was it joy that his sufferings are over and he has reached his end of his journey? or was it losing a part of yourself and memories.... Someone who had been part of my memory bank for the last 29 years then. Someone who was part of my life. 380 days has passed since. The emotions do come rushing back and tears do swell up in my eyes. 380 days later and I still remember him, probably for the next few years, I will not remember this memories. I do dream of him sometimes. Probably when I am at my deathbed, I will see my relatives who have gone on.... I do worry now that sometimes in my dreams, I my past relatives... I always felt that I will die relatively young. But for the sake of my wife and children... not that I have any children now.... I will need to stay alive and live longe than my wife.... so that she will not have to bear the thought of me leaving before her....
Such is life... knowing that none of us shall evade death yet we all fear it.... Will the sun rise after it sets tonight? No body knows for sure, yet, life goes on.
TBC231020072009
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